Although I don’t often complain today is an exception. However, for every complaint I explain the reasoning behind my frustration AND I offer a solution.
So here it goes…
1. The first complaint has to do with those who sign me as a member of a Facebook Group without my permission. This trend seems to be on the up-rise, not just for me but for many people I know.
I’m not even sure how a group owner can sign someone up without their knowledge, nor do I care to because I certainly won’t register someone to one of my groups without their knowledge and permission.
For whatever reason there are group owners who think we will appreciate becoming a member of their group without so much as asking us if this is what we want. I don’t care how good the cause or theme of the group, if you are doing this to others, you need to stop because most everyone I know does not appreciate this. I sure don’t.
Now mind you, I am a member of several groups in the various social networks I belong to but I made the choice to join out of a particular interest not because someone else joined me without my permission.
With the amount of information overload we are all on it’s common courtesy to invite someone first. Simple as that.
Solution: Take a few minutes to invite someone to join your group and convey benefits for them. However, don’t be offended if they don’t accept.
2. My next complaint… a so-called expert claiming they can teach me something when they have never achieved that something.
I’m not talking about someone referring the expertise of someone else. I’m talking about those people who claim they are an expert at something when in fact, they have not yet accomplished the very thing they are either trying to teach you or sell you their own program on. Aghhhh!
Whether it be health and nutrition, marketing, leadership, making money, having great relationships, or whatever; walk the walk before you talk the talk.
Amazingly there are those who claim if they have not succeeded at something they can teach you what not to do. Take a relationship expert. Dang, why would I want to learn how to have a long term, loving, joyful, abundant and giving relationship from someone who has never gone past a year or two in a relationship?
Call me old fashioned, but I want to learn from someone who knows how to make things work based on real life experience and a proven track record.
Solution: Before you believe everything someone says, check them out. You may be pleasantly surprised that they are even more accomplished than you originally thought. Or you may be surprised that what they claim they can teach is nothing they have ever accomplished.
On the flip side, before you claim you are an expert at something you better be darned sure you can back up your claims. For example, I have a teleseminar I am offering at no cost that I am more than qualified to teach. Two years ago I could not make this claim. To see what program I am referring to click here.
There are lots of qualified experts in countless markets that can back up their claims. Are you one of them?
3. Complaint #3 … the misguided teachings that all you have to do is visualize what you want and it will appear with no effort whatsoever. To this I say, “Get a life!”
Now that may seem harsh but the fact is there are a lot of people who seem to think they don’t have to work for what they want. Where this all started is beyond me yet, there are countless people who are perpetrating this lie.
Talk to some of the so called experts who are touting the bill of goods that you simply have to visualize what you want and it will appear at your doorstep are causing more harm than good.
Do you have to visualize what you want? Absolutely! But there is to any type of success than this.
With the visualization comes action. Depending how much success you want determines the level of action. This doesn’t mean you have to run yourself into the ground. It does mean you have to have a plan and you have to work the plan.
I know there will be some people who don’t want to hear this truth. They would prefer sit back and simply “attract” everything to themselves.
Attraction is all part of it, but far too many people have been led to believe attraction doesn’t take any work at all. Notice what is right in the word attraction.
To achieve the level of success you desire you need to believe you can achieve it, visualize what you want, know there are elements of attraction in the process, develop a plan, work the plan, adjust as needed, surround yourself with the right support system and circle of influence and be willing to adjust as needed.
Want to find out how to do anything? Find someone who has “been there, done that” and find out what they really had to do. Chances are it was a heck of a lot more than simply visualizing the outcome.
Solution: Like my mamma always said, “Anything worth having is worth working for.” This doesn’t mean work is not fun. Actually, work can be lots of fun. Especially when you see the results of your efforts. Now that’s lots of fun.
Okay, that’s it for my 3 frustrations. What are some of yours? Leave your comments by clicking the link at the top of this post. Be sure to add in the solution too.
Although I don’t often complain today is an exception. However, for every complaint I explain the reasoning behind my frustration AND I offer a solution.
Scary too – I wasn’t aware that people can sign you up for things on FB.
I’ll add to the list:
1) People who are only interested in pushing the message about their direct sales business onto others without taking the time to build any sort of relationship with them. Just because a person posts links anywhere they can about their direct sales business doesn’t mean people will visit that site & buy things from it. It smacks of desperation & can actually have the opposite effect.
2) People who overuse automation in social networking.
Social networking is about relationship building and value added…these are two things you can’t do with heavy handed automation. Imagine what would happen if everyone on Twitter used an automatic twitter tool to send tweets out. Would anyone be interacting?
I am not aware of #1, the Facebook issue, but I assure you I would be upset about it–a clear lack of courtesy and inconsiderate to say the least.
Re: #2, the expertise issue–Agreed 100%. That’s sort of like a salesman recommending a product that he wouldn’t buy. If someone claims to be an expert but has no experience in his area of expertise, I doubt that he would purchase his own services if he were in the client’s shoes.
Re: #3, my favorite…success does not fall out of the sky, and for those who say it does…please show me that part of the sky so I can be standing under it. It’s hard work, but it doesn’t have to be grueling work–if you love what you do, you probably wouldn’t even realize the amount of work you’re putting it. Here is a common saying that fits perfect here: ‘People want what you want but they don’t want to do what you did to get it”. Some Bible motivation: “Consider the ant…”Proverbs 6:6
My pet peeves: People that make excuses for NOT doing what they should be doing to get where they want to be. You can advise them, tell them what works for you, show them the way to get out of their problem or into their opportunity–but the truth is, no matter what you do, they ultimately have to walk. They need to stop with the excuses and trying to ‘get the situation to conform to their excuses’, and instead ‘remove their excuses in order to address the situation’. In the words of John Maxwell: It’s much easier to go from failure to success than it is to go from excuses to success.
I love to work with people that accept their faults and aspire to be better–I hate working with people that make excuses for not achieving something rather than doing what needs to be done. “Eagles go after their goals…Ducks quack about life all day…”
I wasn’t aware of the #1 issue until it happened the first time. I wrote it off to a fluke, but after the 2nd and 3rd – not a fluke.
I totally agree on those who are willing to work for what they want while accepting their faults while aspiring to be better. If any of us ever get to the point where we think we have “arrived” we are really in trouble.
Thanks for your comments.
I’m visualizing regrowing my hair and attracting a benevolent google.
Just remember, cranky people live longer and are happier than the average do-gooder.
LOLOLOL You made my day Ed. I will help with that visualization of your hair. LOL Thanks for your share.
LOL, Kathleen – I love your ‘tell it like it is’ way of sharing…….and I whole-heartedly concur with each point you make – especially the ‘visualize what you want’ piece. I, too, am a strong promoter of those mindset skills – visualize, affirm and goal-set but it does all come down to taking action, responsibility and accountability.
Thanks for being who you are!
You Nailed It! – Oh So True! My biggest frustration this past week has been so called “Experts” sucking “marks” into a teleseminar/webinar with the prospect of lots of content, only to have it be a 60 minute sales pitch for their $3 – 5,000 course.
Solution: If you want to sell a course, give some of it away for free.
I so agree! Just one minor caveat:
Re: “To achieve the level of success you desire you need to believe you can achieve it, visualize what you want, know there are elements of attraction in the process, develop a plan, work the plan, adjust as needed, surround yourself with the right support system and circle of influence and be willing to adjust as needed.”
Actually, adjusting as needed is important, and adjusting the vision of what you want, very much so. The reason being, your personality self wants certain things, but your higher self has a plan for you that may not involve what your ego self wants in exactly the way your ego wants it. Your higher self has a much bigger plan. Your higher self’s plan is what will win out so don’t get stuck on visualizing what you want. Visualizing is important to keep you motivated in the beginning, but it becomes less important once you actually follow through with your higher self’s guidance and cultivate a deeper, clearer relationship with that part of you.
Love it Christine. Well said.
Kathleen: I relate to No. 2. I have been married and divorced three times. I recently published a memoir about my experience and about my journey to understand my role in the destruction of my marriages, “Digging Deep: A Writer Uncovers His Marriages.” I do think the book can help readers to better deal with issues in their own marriages. However, my book is not a tutorial, and I would never claim to be an expert on marriage–au contrare; my record speaks for itself. I write a blog on divorce recovery, but it is a resource for recovering from divorce, not how to avoid it. I am not going to try to tell people how to achieve a happy marriage–something that I have never been able to achieve.
I like your twist on the topic Boyd. You let folks know you had a part in the process. The ones that irk me are those who have been in a meaningful one week relationship and will tell us all how to make it work. LOL When my father advised me on relationships I definitely listened. He and my mom were married nearly 61 years when he passed on. He had some sage advice that I will cherish forever.
I am now overloaded with FB messages and associated comments flooding my inbox and I’m mad. Not only must I edit each time a new one comes in, but I make it a practice to disengage from that group. I’m offended that I would get all these email messages.
After spending thousands, I now know exactly how to pinpoint a true expert or guru of something and now delete the messages that come in constantly telling me to spend, spend, spend to achieve something. It’s exhausting me these days.
If visualization was all that’s needed, we would all be self-actualized millionaires living in a lap of luxury.
Thanks, Kathleen, for your sage rant!
Kathleen, I agree with you about it being (more than) annoying to be signed up to FaceBook groups without being asked. At least it’s easy to adjust the email settings so that we don’t receive unsolicited email.
Speaking of unsolicited email, one of the things that really bothers me is when someone signs me up on their email list without asking me if it is ok. I have not yet figured out how to handle this as most of these unsolicted subscriptions come from business professionals whom I personally know.
I feel like saying, “Luv ya man, but please take me off of your email list I’m streamlining my systems to accomplish more, including spending less time reading email.”
It is perfectly okay to let someone know they crossed a line. We don’t always know this unless someone has the courage (in a respectful way) to let us know.
On the flip side, I had someone who had been on my list since 2006 and finally after five years writes me, “I have no idea how I got on your list and get me off right now.” I removed them and also let them know the date they opt in and for what.
I am of the belief there are plenty of people who want our information and plenty of people who don’t. We simply need to know how to reach those who do and always, always, always deliver above and beyond; which is something you always do Dvorah.
Spot on insights — AND solutions. I think that success in this (or any) business can be boiled down to two things.
Integrity and action.
Integrity means doing what you say you’re going to do, when you say you will do it.
Action means doing what needs done, when it needs doing.
Things that irritate me always come down to one or both of these being violated in some way.
Don’t cry that your business isn’t growing and profiting when you aren’t willing to do the work — yes, I said the nasty four-letter word “work”. But let’s face it work is needed. Something has to happen. If a person is not willing to take that action — and keep taking it — businesses don’t grow and very often shrivel up and die. Don’t just wish; don’t just visualize… DO!
Integrity! I feel fortunate to get to do business with people like you Kathleen because you and they do what you do with integrity. Straight shooters. WYSIWYG types. Transparent.
If you say you can deliver then you deliver – by God and by damn.
I wished that more people realized that action and integrity are the twin pillars of every successful, long-term, real business.
Also, I agree with Geoff on the webinars/teleseminars. You must absolutely give great, immediately usable content that has the potential of benefiting everyone on your calls whether or not the invest with you. In fact, this is a central theme to a new “how-to” webinar training I’m finishing up with Tom Antion.
In any event, that’s my two-cents.
Out of all the experts I know Daniel, you are one of the best! I mean that sincerely. You deliver incredibly high content – way above and beyond – before ever asking for the sale. When you do ask for the sale you are a “no pressure, this is not for everyone” influencer.
If all experts delivered at the level you do the world would be a better place. I am one of your biggest fans.
You nailed my pet peeves. I would add experts who say we can quickly become experts at most anything by a bit of reading, googeling, and declaring ourselves as experts. I have been taken in a few times myself. This message leads people to expect rapid financial success and quick fixes of whatever concerns them. These false hopes eventually lead to discouragement for many.
On a different note – talking about relationship experts. All the criteria you outline fit me to a tee. My expertise of 40+ years has been in helping men and women develop meaningful individual lives while enjoying growing together. As to learning on the job – it has been a wonderful and challenging almost 45 year journey with my husband.
Congratulations on the 45 year journey. You would be worth learning from.
Nicely put. I also get frustrated when a marketer has a landing page and I have to search through pages of content to find the cost. It also annoys me that marketers/bloggers who use audio and video don’t bother to transcribe the content for those who prefer scan reading, which is much quicker than listening to a 60 minute talk.
And, it’s getting crazy the time it takes to do the social networking/marketing thing.
And, I agree with Geoff. In addition, it’s annoying to get on a teleseminar or webinar with the first 15-30 minutes of who’s who and their history, or chitchat.
In regard to positive projection – I believe in it, but there’s a bible quote, “Faith without works is dead.” The same is true of positive projection – you need to work toward your goals, and usually work hard!
I guess I had a few things bothering me! 🙂
Thanks for your comments Karen. Regarding the transcription issue there is a cost to this and if someone is offering free content they don’t always find it a prudent business decision to add in the cost. If it’s a paid program that’s something different. Most of us do offer transcripts with our paid program.
Totally agree with you and the commenters. This is one of the reasons I haven’t got a business going. Maybe I’m too much of a perfectionist but I really have a difficult time with the “you don’t have to get it right” attitude. If I build a website I want it at least reasonably professional looking, especially since I plan to make it a couples mediation/advice site. I still want to also complete my mediation certification here in Alberta before I jump in/
One thing I dislike that’s not mentioned is the possibility of downloading 700+ personal growth programs. I’ve been throught most of that mill already and am trying to figure which one or two I will implement.
notg an LOL comment. I do like the answer of an Indian man who, when asked why he sat meditating every said “I believe we have many incarnations and I decided to sit this one out”.
Thanks for blogging and giving me a place to open up a bit.
As always, well said Kathleen. I especially appreciated #3…the “Law of Attraction” can only take us so far…
First, Amen! to all that you said. I’m glad you addressed the Facebook groups thing. I noticed it happening but thought that maybe I had a privacy setting wrong or something. Bugs me as well, especially when it’s done by an actual real life friend. That was actually the first one that happened to me and I couldn’t figure out how it worked.
Thanks for getting the conversation going. Who knows where it could go.
You must have been visualizing my brain Kathleen. I too am sick and tired of the so called experts never achieving any success with their platform. They build a business on a dream.Yes, walk the walk in order to talk the talk, people. I spent years working in the fashion and entertainment industry learning my craft before even thinking of owning my own business.
My other bug-a boo, is the lead start off about how much money they made in a month doing ‘said’ topic without really working. This instantly turns me off. Success is an upward climb and takes much blood, sweat and tears to achieve. If visualization was all it took, well I would be sitting on Lake Como right now with George Clooney sipping wine. LOL! Thank you.
Thanks! Spot On! I remove myself from said groups and remind the person who “signed me up” to not do it again. However, sometimes it is not possible to know who signed me up. LOL
Also, I’m going to share and tweet this… spread the word.
Well written and thanks again.
Thanks so much Karen. Appreciate the “spreading the word”.
Bravo, on this post, Kathleen! Especially the visualization part. While visualization is a necessary technique used for achieving one’s goal, without specific action, visualization is little more than “creative dreaming”. It’s my view that dreams comes true once the “dreaming part” stops.
One thing that frustrates me is people who claim they are THE best… (fill in the blank) I make the claim that I am ONE of New York city’s best caricature entertainers, putting myself AMONG the best in my city. That’s confidence. And yet there are people in my same city, in my same industry that I’ve worked along side who claim to be the only THE best, in NYC,but anywhere else too!
Even the great Boxing champion, Muhammad Ali, learned the hard way, that he was t THE greatest fitter of all time, just one of the greatest for a particular period in time.
I have 2 big complaints that I want to get off my chest!
1. So-called experts who convince people they can automate their social media activities and make money. Social media is a dialog, not a monologue!
2. People who invite “all” to their events instead of hand picking the people who they know would be interested. It is so annoying!
Ok, I feel better now. 🙂 Thanks, Kathleen!
Thanks for sharing Sue. You are truly a master as socializing in social networks.
We must remember the word social in social networking. Automation is good to a point but when we have to tweet the clerk at the grocery store for a price check we have gone too far.
These are pet peeves of mine too!
The Facebook group thing annoys me the most. When someone subscribes me to a group I automatically leave it. I can’t believe Facebook has enabled this function!
Kathleen, I am glad your wrote about others signing you up for their group. Lately that has happened to me quite often. When I am not interested in joining their group I wonder how to unjoin the group. It is a nuisance when others decide for you what you want and don’t want.
To unjoin click on the group and to the right side is a link to Leave Group. Click that and you are good to go.
Relating to your third complaint, these 3 quotations apply:
“He that lives upon hope will die fasting.”
— Benjamin Franklin, “The Way to Wealth”
“Heard about “The Secret” and
“The Law of Attraction”?
Want to know the secret
behind “The Secret?”
The Law of Attraction will not bring
you abundance and prosperity for just
thinking pleasant, positive thoughts.
It is no cosmic mistake that
the word “attraction” has the word
“action” in it.
Fact is, abundance is the result
of a lot of creative effort.
Much action, much prosperity, in other words.”
— from “Life’s Secret Handbook (Reminders for Adventurous Souls Who Want to Make a Big Difference in This World)”
“Enriching others is the only way to get rich, if that is what we desire. The more we serve, the more we deserve, getting what we give, no more and no less.”
— from “The Law of Reaction” by Austin Partridge
In short, the people that you cite in your third complaint are for the most part broke and will continue to be until they learn how to take action.
Ernie J. Zelinski
Author of “How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free”
(Over 125,000 copies sold and published in 9 languages)
and “The Joy of Not Working”
(Over 250,000 copies sold and published in 17 languages)
Great information Ernie. Thanks for sharing. I lean toward agreement on those who simply believe visualization is all it takes to succeed.
Excellent post Ernie.
The signing up to groups without consent is a sore point with me as well. In one of my books (I think it was Guerilla Marketing Goes Green but it might have been Grassroots Marketing) I explain why this is not a good idea.
Attraction works — but you have to become a magnet first! (yep, metaphorically speaking…)
Spot on, Kathleen! My beef is the “hard sell” internet marketers who never give up trying to sell you something, using shocking manipulative tactics to try and force you to buy their products. And then sending emails insulting your intelligence because you are not interested. Thanks for being an ethical marketer. Your products are out the top drawer.
I agree about the manipulation. Sadly, many people do buy into that.
Kathleen, your ‘rant’ really resonated with me!
I think people are demanding so much more from experts because on a lot of levels there are so many people who claim to be experts – and as you state, they aren’t.
The result is often that once a true expert is found, the recognition just takes off. So much value is given on their teleseminars, or their free offers, etc. that a relationship is automatically established. You are a great role model for this way of building credibility, relationship, and expert status.
I have only had one experience with being ‘joined’ to a group. It was awful. There were so many posts about nothing that interested me. I think facebook should remove that option entirely. After all, if facebook offers it, people will use it. It feels like spamming IMHO.
As for wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’ that you can attract what you need to achieve your goals, I like the saying, “Pray, then take the first step.” It reminds me to get going in the direction I have chosen and not wait around for something to happen.
It is actually a form of spamming to put us on a group we didn’t ask to be put on.
You go girl. Right on all counts. It drives me nuts when I see someone pass selling their services as a business coach, then they come to me wanting to know how to build their business since they never made more than 20K a year and had never previously succeeded as an entrepreneur Huh?
Or they actually go through one of our programs and copy the information to call it their own.
I share your frustrations, Kathleen. When you create a group in Facebook, your only option is to “add members” and there is no “invite members”. In their efforts to make it easy for people, Facebook, made it super easy for people to be rude, by adding others without their consent. Not good.
This is especially true with aspiring authors! Every day as I watch on these group pages, I am simultaneously fascinated and appalled at the level of nerve many of these people try to pan out. I have listened to countless hours of comment banter and advice from one ‘author’ to another ‘author’ about how to solve their problems. they talk and reflect like it’s a nagging problem and has been an unfortunate aspect of their ‘professional’ lives for several years or ‘since they published their first piece, many years ago.’
When you look into these people, you find that they have not 1legitimate writing credit to their name! Unbelievable! When you ask them nonchalantly what they’ve published, they refer to their blog postings and community forum drivel, or what’s even better, is when they talk about the 9 novels they currently have in ‘print’. When you check those out, not only do you find that they were all self published, (expected by this point) but you find out if you download a free excerpt of one, that they clearly saw no need for an editor of any kind, and just pasted their clipboard to the screen and clicked “PUBLISH”.
Sorry for venting a rant of my own, but wow does that really irk me to know that these frauds are actually giving advice, and telling young, honest, aspiring authors, that they should really self publish because it’s so much better than traditional legacy publishing….of course, only because they couldn’t get published traditionally if they got a glowing endorsement from Jesus Christ himself.
Anyway, thanks for hearing my vent…lol Dorian
Thanks for your input Dorian. I do agree that there are many self published authors who did not take the time to do the job correctly. However, there are plenty of self published authors, myself included, who find self publishing is a choice we make due to many factors including time to market, control and extremely profitable options on the back end.
I second Kathleen’s point.
The web has offered creators many tools and great flexibility. It is up to persons with brains and vision, imagination, organization, passion, and all those wonderful entrepreunial gifts, to display these gifts and to use them for their development and profit — and also for those of their customers/buyers.
Poor performers can be found almost everywhere — top players too!
I am a writer. Well, can’t I write? 😉
New studies show visualization not only doesn’t give it to you, but it may lower your drive and keep you ever further away from your dream.
Coaches that have never accomplished anything except hanging out a biz card and perhaps (I say perhaps) paying for a certification. What a joke. Most!
Hi Bob. Thanks for your comments. I would love to read one of the studies as I find this an interesting result.
I know that I do find when I visualize it gives me a point of reference and focus. But the visualization alone does not produce the desired results.
I was wondering about that FB group thing — glad to know I’m not crazy. When I saw all these unfamiliar groups, I was thinking I must have been drunk or having an out of body experience when i signed up…sort of like waking up the morning after in the 80s not knowing how I got where I was… 🙂
My pet peeve is people ripping off each others’ sites, copy and materials. Modeling is one thing, plagiarism is another. It hasn’t happened to me, but I have very good memory for the written and spoken word, so I notice right away when I’m reading or hearing something I’ve first heard or read elsewhere, and the “borrower” is acting as if he or she invented it.
I think it was aliens who abducted you for a time and got you drunk Lisa. LOL I know what you mean about others using your material. Some time ago I was reading an article and thought it was really well written. Then I realized it was one of my articles. The downside – someone stole my material. The upside – I really like my writing. LOL
Seriously though. Taking what someone else created and calling it their own is a terrible offense on many levels.
I appreciate your honesty.
I am amazed that it is possible to join a non consenting person to your page! Those who are doing this should be banned from social media! And social media should be ashamed for having such poorly constructed programs.
I am frustrated by individuals who claim that they can create a positive life, and end all your problems and suffering if you just take this one special class. It hood winks gullable people and makes me very sad.
I am frustrated by over 900 spam emails that have come to my blog the past 3 days…from one domain.
You seem to have really hit a nerve. You picked three valid points to express your irritation. In keeping with your irritability, I get awfully irritatated at habitually optimistic and positive people, expecially those how are professionally so. Sometimes something sucks and there is no silver living, no light shining through the cracks, no way to reframe it in a positive ligtht. Being positive is one thing, being a fool is quite another. Sadly the hills crowded with fools. At least they don’t want for company, or does that sound too pollyannish?
The realistic optimist.
I am in total agreement about distinguishing between being optimistic and being foolish. Great distinction. And yes, a nerve has been struck. 🙂
I am definitely on the same page. I have been added to FB groups without being asked and not only that, they then bombard me with invitation to all sorts of events, webinars, teleseminars, etc. It’s very annoying and I still haven’t figured out how they do it!
On the “walk the walk” rant, totally agree there too. I am considered a “new” marketer by many but I have had a relatively fast and profitable amount of success. Because of that, I’ve written a book and now have coaching clients and a speaking gig. Here’s the thing, I do NOT say I’ve made a million dollars or even that I make 5 figures a month. What I do is show MY results and how I got there and people can make up their own minds. All that hype drive me crazy! And, I have had more than a couple of coaches and you DO have to know who you are following 🙂
On the visualizing. . . . I do it! It works for me but here’s why: I take action. Pure and simple, I work. I DO something to move myself forward everyday toward my goal and that’s why my vision becomes a reality.
Thanks for a great post! Hope this comment wasn’t too wordy! -Martha
Thanks for your comments Martha. Outstanding points.
Coming in late on this one. My pet peeve is people who call themselves coaches who have had no coach specific training and no respect for coaching as a profession. I could rant on and I regularly do in LinkedIn, but that’s it in a nutshell.
My other peeve, can’t resist the opportunity, is disposable diapers. Every time I go to the supermarket I just see rows and rows and tons and tons of unnecessary landfill being created by opportunistic marketing (that encourages longer and easier use of disposables) and lazy, or misinformed parents. And before you yell back at me that times have changed since my day, I had two under 18 months and was working and still managed without them except for traveling and special occasions.
As for the mixed blessing of Face Book, I am sure there must be a setting you can use that stops this spam. I don’t get it, so I guess my webhusband set me up right.
Thank you Kathleen for this safely valve!
Thanks for your comments Wendy. Yes, in the coaching arena, as well as many others like Internet marketing, authorship, nutrition, far too many people do not have the skills or experience to claim the level of expertise they do. I did have one person point out to me in a LinkedIn group that athletic coaches have not necessarily played in the game but are great coaches. I can agree with this and it is very likely they have been trained. They are not simply calling themselves an expert coach.
Great point on the diapers. Whew!
I’m laughing too about so many of these complaints–especially the great article your wrote-happened with me too. Even had my personal examples in it. I called the guy on it, but never heard back. Same for one of my books–Write your eBook or Other Short Book Fast!–my publisher followed through on that and nipped it in the bud!
Also so glad you mentioned “visualizing” and “attraction” marketing. Yes, it works, but not unless you move your feet. That’s why I suggest authors and business people write their marketing plan and inside it, include actions and schedules. Devorah, you’ll be getting my blog on this soon!
Another complaint: -Claiming to be a book coach with no books authored on that topic!
Kathleen, you are a consummate professional, and I think we all are happy about this post–very illuminating on many levels.
Hi, Kathleen – I’d love to hear your (and others!) insight into how to quickly determine whether someone is an “expert” or just talks a good line. I’m learning from experience but it would be great to have a few cues to shorten the process.
A Google search on someone can bring up a lot. In addition, check them out in social networks. Check with your circle of influence to see if anyone has worked with them, knows them, bought programs from them. If someone is the real deal (beyond them saying they are) it shows up all over the place.
It’s great to see so much support–people taking the time to share & gives thanks to each other is Awesome! I feel blessed to have stumbled upon this discussion!! That said, I feel compelled to engage this conversation from slightly different perspective.
While we all have issues that seem to bring about feelings and actions based in irritation & frustration–let us not forget how thoughts create words and in turn the habits & attitudes that become our respective life! Situations, people, places, attitudes and things are called toward one whose focus vibration matches that of a situation, person, place,attitude or thing act. The capacity to attract is further amplified when strong feelings accompany focus.
I do not suggest burying feelings of frustration and/or irritation (or any feelings) deep within as such practice only hides that which drives behavior and choices; however, there are ways to dump our trash –so to speak–that impact co-Creation in positive ways. Some such avenues include dance with the intention of moving all that doesn’t serve our plan of manifestation out of the body, expressive meditation, which includes jumping around talking nonsense to release feelings of yuk from our being and one of my favorites is to (1) put feelings of lower vibration on paper, (2) physically, emotionally & mentally letting them go (3) followed by burning the paper with the intention of releasing that which we cannot control to create space within for the miracles of life to enter.
In my opinion, it is important to understand that the only control any being truly holds is of his or her self–and is further pinpointed to each Now moment! That may not seem like much, but it is huge for the one(s) who understand as it lays the guidelines to successfully manifest all one truly desires (for the highest good)!
With HeArT ~ Ronda
Excellent insights Ronda. Thank you for sharing.
People telling me my idea or plan won’t work when they haven’t a clue what I’m talking about and no one asked their opinion in the first place. Excuses and whining.
People who are stuck in a dream – excited and gung-ho about doing a thing then when it comes down to “OK! Let’s DO IT!” they won’t do a thing. All plan/dream but no action. Excuses and whining.
People who don’t hold up their end of the bargain – don’t follow through. Excuses and whining.
You’ve nailed it, Kathleen. Related peeves of mine:
1) Experts who imply that whatever it is they are teaching is easy and what they’re offering is all you’ll need for success. Invariably, it’s just a piece of the puzzle, and when you finish, you’re still missing some things that are critical for implementation.
2) Marketers who may have had a good free webinar, and who start mailing you good content, but then after a short time, the percentage of emails from them that are “push marketing” instead of relationship building flips so that you want to create a filter that sends their emails to the trash without reading. There are only a handful of people whose emails I always read — you are on that short list.
Thanks for your comments Elizabeth. As you mentioned there is no one ticket to success. It is a process and takes time, effort, energy and commitment. Thanks for adding me to the short list. You made my day.
Thank you for your rant & rave! I’ve read through all the comments and find this to be just the attitude I’ve been looking for! I’ve been through quite a few webinars, webcasts & teleseminars over the past few years and I’m finally able to tell the difference between mediocre and absolutely outstanding! It has taken a lot of hours and a bit of the bankroll, but a good lesson, and I have a list of those experts I feel are qualified to have ME attend their training & workshops!
Kathleen, I just attended my first Webinar with you this week and I’ve signed up for your 4-week webinar. I am totally looking forward to this experience – I know it will be outstanding!
My first pet peeve is OVERUSE OF AUTORESPONDERS! No matter how good your program comes across on the landing page or sales copy, if I receive 2-3 emails from you daily with a countdown until it ends, or the price increases, or the bonuses drop off (or get added on if you haven’t signed up yet)….. well needless to say, you’ll never see me again.
My last pet peeve is ‘experts’ who put a program together in 3-5 days, present it in a webinar, package it and then use it as a product. Now that in itself is not so bad, but when no one conducts a dry run with the program or software, no editing is done, they move back and forth during the presentation from one subject to another because they forgot something…. believe me, I am now totally lost. I’m having a difficult time following you as it is without you jumping back and forth between sections, and you can’t rewind a webinar! These are not high-quality programs conducted by experts!
Those are two issues that stand out in my mind because I’ve been seeing this quite a bit lately. My real focus however, is on those experts that make an outstanding presentation, stay on topic (with a little personality thrown in) and give me the content promised – plus a few extra tips. Those are the ones I’ll be tracking. Thanks again for this great post and great comments that followed 🙂
Thanks for your comments Melodie. And thank you for your comments on my webinar and for registering for the training. You made a great choice and I do all I can to deliver above and beyond. As much as there are stellar examples of outstanding experts teaching and training there are many “experts” who are not at the level we would hope for.
I look forward to your participation with the training.
Agree with all your “bleats” Struck by #2 and not only because you use relationships as your example! (I’m a relationship advisor.)
But your comments make me realize that I don’t make enough of my 37 year marriage in my own content. Conversely I would never claim to be a business coach because I don’t have enough experience to say that with integrity.
I’m also fascinated at how much response this article has generated. Well done. Was definitely worth getting off the fence or out from behind your “uncomplaining persona” and having a whinge!!!! LOL
I think I’ll have a little cheese with that whine. 🙂
Very engaging post, Kathleen — love it!
This one hit a sour note and brought back an unpleasant memory …
” … you simply have to visualize what you want and it will appear at your doorstep.”
I placed myself under the gun and into some deep bandini by sharing my opinion on this subject in a blog post. Oy. Some readers REALLY didn’t like what I had to say.
I won’t say I felt “attacked”, but let me tell you there are plenty of folks out there who TRULY believe that “dreaming big” is all it takes. Hearing all I ever want to hear from that “camp”, I plan on letting sleeping dogs lie.
Won’t touch the subject again with a ten-foot poll! I may be a lot of things … but “stupid” isn’t one of them. 🙂
I’ve been added to Facebook groups without my permission too many times to count. Why in God’s name Facebook offers that feature is beyond me.
What bothers me most is when some of my closest online friends and social media connections (who should know better!) add me to groups without checking with me first. It makes for a very awkward and uncomfortable situation when I have NO interest in participating in those particular groups.
I share your pain and I’ve enjoyed reading all the comments here!
Yes, visualizing is good- see it -want it- go after it! In all good stories there is a beginning a middle and a conclusion- with all the ‘push button’ claims that flood my inbox these days is it any wonder ppl are being convinced that it’s a limo ride from day one. Experts, yeah well, everyone needs to have worked through their apprenticeship first and come out the other side, wanna walk the walk? you need boots well heeled with ‘been there and done that’ -sadly plenty of my money has gone west with a few cowboys that only had good roping skills.
Make sure them cowboys have been in the saddle. 🙂